In Mind

the one voice you should never listen to

Have you ever tried to listen to all the voices in your head that are competing for your attention?

My guess is that many of them are filled with self-judgment.

How many of them are telling you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough or just not enough in general?

It can be terrifying to think about what some of those whispers of self-judgment are doing to your psyche.Click To Tweet

It gets a little worse too. Each of us has an inner child living within our psyche listening to all the self-negativity.  Would you judge a little kid the way you judge your adult self? Let’s hope not. Think of your inner child whenever you start going down the self-judgment super highway. Not only is your psyche listening but your inner child is listening as well.

Think of your inner child whenever you start going down the self-judgment super highway. Not only is your psyche listening but your inner child is listening as well and responding to others accordingly.

Especially if you are judging yourself like I do sometimes for not measuring up to the crazy expectations you would never put on someone else.

It’s important to have goals, even lofty ones, but unrealistic expectations will only set you up for failure and make you feel like you will never measure up to your highest goals.

When this happens, we become paralyzed to move forward with anything because of our fear of failure.

Self-judgment happens more than you think. Try this exercise to see how many self-judgment voices live in your head:

Count how many times you have a thought of self-judgment or judgment of others in one day. Is that too much time? Simply try it for one hour. You may be surprised at how many times you think, ‘Oh, that was dumb’, or I should be…, or I shouldn’t do, eat, feel, think…fill in the blank with your judgy thought of choice.

One of the most common self-judgment thought is more of a wish: “I wish I was blah blah instead of blah blah.” This one wish is sending a message to your brain that you are not enough and will send you into a tailspin of self-doubt.

Now count all the judgmental things you think about other people (but don’t want to admit to anyone. Come on, you know it happens). I have my clients do this and they are always horrified by what they hear in their heads and how high their count is.

Now ask yourself, what would happen if you shifted your thoughts?

What would happen to your attitude and the mood of those around you if you flipped all those negative thoughts around to positive ones which made you feel better about yourself instead of making you feel less than adequate?Click To Tweet

How many times have you checked in with yourself and said something that made you feel better about yourself? You can just as easily be supportive and loving to yourself without if coming off as narcissistic if it comes from a place of self-respect and love. 

Here is the really dangerous part of self-judgement — When you judge yourself (which is bad enough), you accidentally in up judging others as too. Because if others aren’t measuring up just like you then you feel better about yourself.  

Judging outwardly as you judge inwardly isn’t something you typically mean to do, it’s just is part of the judgment package which perpetuates negativity.

For example, I had an Aunt who struggled with her weight.  She was never particularly heavy, but she judged herself as too fat. When she looked in the mirror she heard her mother’s voice telling her she was fat as a child and that voice turned into her own inner critic when she was older. She hated her thighs especially because they did not meet her idea of how they ‘should’ look. Because of this constant self-judgement, she was always looking at other women’s bodies (especially their legs) with a critical eye to see how she compared. 

In order for her to stop her own self-loathing about her body, others needed to have similar issues as well (in her mind) or she would feel worse about herself because she was, ‘less than’ them. So to make up for her insecurities, she would comment about their weight, or something not fitting well, or anything else she could think of to make herself feel better about her body. 

Unfortunately, all this did was make everyone around her feel insecure too, especially her children whom she was constantly picking at. We all have a little of my aunt’s critical voice in our head somewhere telling us that we aren’t as good as we ‘should’ be. 

Shifting negativity into something more positive isn't just good for your mind, it's good for your health too. Click To Tweet

Here are just a few benefits of positive thinking:

  • stimulates the growth of nerve connections.
  • improves cognition by increasing mental productivity.
  • improves your ability to analyze and think.
  • affects your view of surroundings.
  • increases attentiveness.
  • leads to more happy thoughts.

Thoughts come and thoughts go, it’s up to you to decide which ones drop in and which ones you can dismiss as not worth your time and energy. Laugh at ALL those negative thoughts and self-judgment as they come up and tell your brain you won’t be doing that anymore. You are so much more than your thoughts. You have the power to choose who you want to listen to (in your head).

Choose well.

P.S. If you are ready to turn your limitations into superpowers, apply to work with me one on one in my 90 day intensive. Three months to a stronger, powerful you so you can get on with life and make the massive impact in the world you were meant to. Space is limited.

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Showing 2 comments
  • Jo
    Reply

    I have gotten better at not being so negative, but I think it raises its head more during the times where I have a lot of stress going on in my life. Trying to be more positive definitely has an impact on my mood.

    • Reply

      Everyone gets down, Jo. Just be careful not to stay there. We can’t help what happens sometimes but we can absolutely control how we respond to it. Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

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